Some Punk in a nightclub came up to me and said,
“I get 20 times more girls than you do, haha.”
I replied, “20 x 0 = 0.”
That shut the fucker up.
Archive for the ‘冷英文’ Category
七月
15
五月
06
1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.
3. Sorry to have missed you, but I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
(全文…)
一月
28
一月
26
企鹅超级熊猫分享
c.h.i.n.a. 中国
come here. i need affection. 来这 我需要爱
k.o.r.e.a. 韩国
keep optimistic regardless of every adversity. 虽然事与愿违保持乐观
h.o.l.l.a.n.d 荷兰
hope our love lasts and never dies. 希望我们的爱永恒不变
i.t.a.l.y. 意大利
I trust and love you. 我相信你和爱你
l.i.b.y.a. 利比亚
love is beautiful; you also. 爱是美丽的 你也是
(全文…)
十二月
28
Dear white, something you got to know
亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须知道。
When I was born, I was black.
当我出生时，我是黑色的
When I grow up, I am black.
我长大了，我是黑色的
When I’m under the sun, I’m black.
我在阳光下，我是黑色的
(全文…)
十二月
01
1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一辆然后求上帝宽恕。
2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊！
3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你
4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
直译：在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。
意译a：我真不想伤害你，但你也别逼我。
意译b：吾虽不杀伯仁，伯仁由我而死。
(全文…)
十月
13
一封员工要求加薪的英文信，以及老板的回信
Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ . worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.
Your$ $incerely,
Marian $hih
第二天，她收到了老板的回信：
(全文…)
九月
16
华盛顿邮报搞了一个比赛，要求写两行押韵的诗
第一行能多浪漫就多浪漫，第二行能多不浪漫就多不浪漫，
以下是一些入选作品
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you has screwed up my life
我的心肝，我的挚爱，我美丽的贤妻，
我这辈子就毁在你手里。
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.
你的容颜依稀入梦境，
于是我在尖叫中惊醒。
(全文…)
三月
24
企鹅景天分享
这个帆布包很销魂~~
Jessica Kagan Cushman的。看到后笑了很久。
还有白色的my other bag is chanel。
棕色的my other bag is LV。 等等。
(全文…)
三月
23
一天半夜，有个中国人走进美国的一家酒吧，碰到了大导演史提文·斯皮尔伯格（Steven Spielberg）。
这个中国人正好是斯皮尔伯格的铁杆影迷，于是冲上前去，请求斯皮尔伯格给他留个签名。
可他万万没有想到，斯皮尔伯格竟给了他一耳光，骂道：“你们中国人轰炸了我们珍珠港，快给我滚开！”
中国人感到很震惊，回答说：“轰炸你们珍珠港的可不是中国人啊，那是日本人干的！”
(全文…)
